Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
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