I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
