You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
