fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
