I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
