i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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