Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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