Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
