Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
