drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Randomize
