my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
