Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Randomize
