it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
They are going to name an STD after you.
Randomize
