so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Shame - the story of my life.
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