Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Randomize
