I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
