Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
