so let's talk penis.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
