I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
