Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
it's like iHOP with fire
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
