it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
