oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Randomize
