You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
