so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
