I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
