So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
