Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Randomize
