Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
