my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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