It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Randomize
