i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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