Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
