If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
