Porn is love you can see.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
