So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Randomize
