Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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