I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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