just survived the first fart of the relationship.
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
did i just pee glitter
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