oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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