Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
