Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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