I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
