My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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