I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
