You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I'm drive I can fine osifer
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
