Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
whose parrot is this?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
