Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
