You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
