I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
