Define "chronic" masturbator.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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