Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
