i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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